FRESH START 2.0

Here I go again… Last night driving home with tears flowing down my face. I know it must be me, so unlucky in love. Almost 35 years ago I married my highschool sweetheart at age 18 and that ended in divorce after 22 years together. I found love again, but with someone who was unable to commit to me. It seemed so good, we had shared so many qualities and fun and connection-he broke my heart in an email after five years together.

Then I met a man (current husband) who promised me security if I married him. He has a lovely home that i have poured my love and efforts into for ten years. Last week I found out he promised me something he could not deliver. He only owns half the home, the other half is in a trust his former wife had where it states when he passes the home will be sold and half will go to his sons who hate me.

Lastly, three years ago, I ventured out on an affair website and met a man from Spain. We have had passionate times together over the last three years, but alas, he cannot commit to me either. Is it me? It has to be me. How does this happen to me over and over. I welcome anyone who can tell me the whys and what nots. I am in my mid 50’s, people call me beautiful, caring, loving, supportive, but no one wants to actually connect with me for those qualities. Why? Am I this unlovely? Do I portray a bad vibe?

This is what I thought about the entire drive home from seeing my Spanish man last night. Will I ever find someone who will love, cherish and be completely devoted to me? Someone who wants to put a blanket on my toes when I am afraid, someone who wants to do things with me either fun or work, someone to unconditionally love me. Am I destined to be alone my entire life>

I am afraid I am destined for loneliness….